Eternal Conversion

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Change in Ourselves

I read a beautifully written memoir called, Left to Tell by Immacalee Ilibagiza. This woman tells her story as a survivor of the Holocaust in Rwanda in the 1990's. Her story is beautiful, and the life she has created for herself is beautiful.

Her family is the one thing she loves most. She works hard to receive an education. These things are taken from her when soldiers threaten to the take the life of anyone with Tutsi heritage. She manages to survive by hiding in a closet sized bathroom with seven other women.

She was able to take this event in her life, and make it in an opportunity to grow closer to God. Through the love of the Savior, she is able to forgive and overcome.

I feel inspired to change, and forgive. I feel inspired to take my trials, and use them as an opportunity to let God take care of me. I want to serve my God. I want to feed the sheep He asked me to tend. I want to look for those who need someone. I want to let Christ fill me with joy, rather than the worldly things I have sought lately.

I struggle with wanting to feel "full". If I act in a way that makes the spirit leaves, I become very depressed because I feel empty. I look for a replacement for the spirit, but there isn't one. Other things I have searched for to make me feel full always leave me feeling more empty.

Christ is my first reason I want to change. His infinite love and sacrifice gives me hope for everything. He bled and died so that I could have the opportunity to have true happiness. True happiness comes from giving yourself to the Lord, and taking the love he offers every single chance you give.

That brings to the blog post I read today on The Perfect Day. Here is the link:

http://ldsperfectday.blogspot.com/2013/09/spiritually-creating-future-event-with.html

This post talks about visualizing what we want, and asking the Lord to help us accomplish it.

This quote was used on the post:

"Alma 32 tells us about the spiritual creation, the temporal creation, and the eye of faith, meaning that you create in your mind first of all...the spiritual creation of that which you desire, and you concentrate your mind on it until it comes into reality in the real world.

Every idea, the exercising of faith, anything that has any value that I know of, is created first of all spiritually in the mind of man and then later, because of his exceeding great faith, he brings it about temporally -- he literally causes it to happen." (Elder Gene R. Cook, "Qualifications For The Work", Talk Given At The Missionary Training Center, June 7, 1983)

I believe in this. I want to experience this. My next step is to ponder, what do I really want? And then, begin to visualize.

In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Mission Preparation

I have not yet experienced the full intensity of preparing for a mission. I am not even baptized yet! But...I really want to write about this.

My Goals (To prepare):

1. Little habits. Praying, fasting, tithing, and teaching. I want to be comfortable in all these areas. I am not. I say meaningful evening prayers and I pray throughout the day, BUT it completely blows over my mind in the morning. I rarely pray in the morning/before meals. I have only fasted when someone I am close to needs something desperately. I struggle to fast for my own growth. I struggle to remember tithing. I often pay a late tithing. Teaching wise, I am gifted at writing, but sometimes let other intimidate me when I share my thoughts. All of these are a work in progress.

2. Knowledge. How can I teach the Book of Mormon, if I barely comprehend the basic facts? Spiritually, I feel very confident in myself. But when it comes to the war stories and names of bad guys, I am lost. I must show confidence in this book, even if that means I must go read the children’s Book of Mormon OVER AND OVER to fully grasp the stories.

3. Scripture mastery and references. When I began taking seminary, I began to remember where certain scripture were, and I could cross reference between them. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT!!! One scripture may better explain an idea to an investigator. Scriptures also answers question very clearly. Ex: Why do Mormons baptize the dead? 1 CORINTHIANS 15:29!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Releasing self from excessive social/media interactions. I will greatly miss obsessively checking my email. Hey! Why don’t I work on that NOW? Another example: Person is depressed when they aren’t constantly with friends. CHANGE THAT!!! Learn to be happy interacting with strangers (as in, people you don’t know, say the new kid at school) or in solitude. I’m not saying go completely anti-social, but be content if a Saturday night is spent working or even just having some quiet time. During a mission, there will be little time of one’s personal self. That’s the way it should be.

5. Evaluate self-worthiness. I truly do not say this to be ignorant or judgmental, (I am guilty of the same thing) but it breaks my heart to see boys whose main reason they started to live the LDS standards was because they were expected to receive their a mission call. Change is good, but we need to be good BECAUSE WE WANT TO!!!! :) Not because we are expected to by others! That is “okay”, that is their progression. But I want to be the best me! I want my standards to not even have to change a little bit when I am preparing to enter the MTC! I want to be already living like I have my mission call. I am not there yet. But I can get there.

6. See where my energy is focused. Personally, us humans waste SO MUCH TIME!!! Whether it’s a girl waiting for her missionary or playing X-box all night: that girl could be doing so much with the energy she is using as she thinks about how much she misses her missionary (This is NOT to insult girls waiting for their missionary, I have friends who are doing this, and they are happy. It is THEIR life, and I am happy that they know how to choose for themselves). The boy playing X-box all the time is truly setting himself up for a struggle during a potential mission. I waste time on pinterest and being emotional and watching Lost. I can better use my time by balancing the time I spend on entertainment/life with spiritual, good things. If I am going to give an hour to watching Lost, the least I could do is match that time and give to the Lord, whatever errand He have me run.

7. Not putting too much on my plate. For 18 months, I will do very little for myself, entertainment wise and social wise. It could be very tempting to go crazy and overload my schedule. I want to prioritize those family and friends I feel are the most important to visit, and learn from. That sounds selfish, but it isn’t selfish for me to take care of myself.

8. Figure out a way for me to journal without being costly. I can’t keep buying journals and sending them home every 2 weeks. I need to figure out a way to electronic journal as well as handwrite in my journals.

9. Mentally prepare self with books, classes, and any resources that will help. Memorize Preach my Gospel!!

10. Saving money. I put this last, because I was tempted to put it first. This is not the most important preparation, because if I am obeying the Lord, it will work out. Money is not what I need to serve an exceptional mission. My relationship with Christ, my testimony, and knowledge will be much more handy.

1 Nephi 11

How did Nephi come to know the things which his father saw?

1. He desired this knowledge.

“For it came to pass that after I had desired to know the things that my father had seen,” (11:1)

2. He believed knowledge would be revealed unto him.

“And believing that the Lord was able to make known unto me”, (11:1)

3. He pondered, and asked in the name of the Lord.

“as I sat pondering in mine heart I was caught away by the Spirit of the Lord,” (11:1)

“And the Spirit said unto me, Behold, what desirest thou?” (11:2)

“And I said, I desire to behold the things which my father saw. ” (11:3)

4. He had faith in Jesus Christ, and was living the word of God.

“And blessed are thou, Nephi, because thou believest in the Son, the most high of God; wherefore thou shalt behold the things which thou hast desired. ” (11:6)

5. This last idea isn’t necessarily pointed out in those verses, but is implied throughout the chapter. Nephi was perfectly obedient. Therefore the Lord was willing to give him what he asked, because Nephi proved to the Lord that he could be trusted with the great knowledge.

“I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know no commandments unto the children of men, save it he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.”

(Just a note, the Lord already knew whether or not Nephi could be trusted, but it was part of Nephi’s experience to see that the Lord trusted Him.)

The Spirit showed Nephi the tree of life, and what it meant. He showed him Mary, the mother of the Savior; He saw the miracles, and the gathering of the primitive church. He is shown the life of His Savior, whom he believed even though until that point he had not seen.

At one point, Nephi said:

“And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.” (11:7)

The spirit made manifest unto him that which he did not understand.

How can we apply this to our lives?

We often hear this: “Of course, we won’t know EVERYTHING in this life.” That is a truth, not a restriction. This is not an excuse to put a halt on our progression. Do we really think that all that is to the gospel is what we learn at church? NO! Church is where we nail down the basics. It is up to us to use the basic, to seek further knowledge. The Lord will give unto us what he gave to Nephi. We can all be prophets. Not in the sense that we will receive revelation for the church, but in the sense that we CAN receive revelation. (Aside from church revelation) The Lord will reveal to us everything he has revealed to his prophets and apostles. If you don’t currently have a testimony of this principle, the scriptures are where to look. Look of those who have received revelation from the Lord. You will be surprised how often we look over it, and don’t realize that we can have these experiences.

How have I applied this to my life?

The way I came to know Jesus Christ, regardless of my past dislike of the Church, was through these five steps. These five steps, simplified are: righteous desire, prayer, faith, more faith, and obedience. I wanted to know the true religion. I prayed. I learned how to exercise faith. I have a testimony of my Savior, my Father in Heaven, the Holy Spirit, and many aspects of the gospel (prayer, faith, fasting, tithing, etc.)

*By gospel, I mean the teaching of Christ that has led to me the relationship I have with Him*

Now, I am working on obedience. I believe that as I learn to be perfectly obedient, the Lord will reveal unto me anything I want to know. Right now, obedience for me consists mostly of the little things: Fast today; Go talk to that girl, call this person, do this homework assignment early, etc. I believe that through obedience to the basics, I will be given more and more opportunities to be obedient to other tasks.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Sacrifice, Light, and Love: Becoming as the Savior

I wrote this a few weeks ago, but wasn't ready to post it. Now I am:

I had a very special visit with my grandmother yesterday. We share a common faith in the LDS gospel, and have been brought very close through my conversion. I love that she has much to teach me, and I have ears to hear.

We drove to Salt Lake and had dinner at Hires. I am a silly girl, and can live off a compliment for days and days. A hostess at Hires told me I was very pretty. This sounds like silly girl talk, but her simple words made me smile for at least ten minutes straight! The fact that a total stranger would take time and effort to say something kind to me was surprising and lifted me up.

We roamed around Temple Square, and ran into a very sweet pair of sister missionaries, Sister McQueen from New Zealand and Sister Jarrett from Hawaii. I told them I was seventeen, and they told me I looked older. I said, “If I was older, I would be on a mission too right now!” Then my grandma told them I was not yet baptized, and my story spilled out. They were simply delighted from my simple story. It was very spiritual and emotional. Little moments like that just make a girl feel so happy. I must be careful not to let myself become lifted up in pride when others say kind things about my conversion, but rather be grateful for their kind words. They were so happy to be doing what they were doing, I felt even stronger my need to go on my mission. They were beautiful, not only because pretty to see, but because the light of Christ was literally burning in them. I am tearing right now, just thinking about that light. I feel light inside me, and that is where true beauty lies. Our beauty is truly seen through the love of Christ. When I am a missionary, I want to find someone to praise and encourage and tell her she is beautiful. We can build others so high, and our stories can really spark something in a person.

Christ would have us build each other up, as high as we can. We must not allow fear and possible judgment keeping us from showing kindness to strangers, the Lord’s Sheep. It is easy to build those who have our love guaranteed. We never know what we are capable of giving until we reach out to those who need us.

My grandma brought me genealogy for me to look at, and make copies of. I become very emotional talking about my ancestors, because they sacrificed much to bring the faith of Jesus Christ into their families. From my grandma’s father’s line, we have ancestors who traveled from Denmark in order to escape persecution from the dominant church in the area. They sacrificed their security and home to bring the gospel to generations to come. Where would their children’s children’s children (and so forth), my ancestors be without their bravery? That is pure, Christ like love right there. They didn’t know us, but loved the Lord enough to make that sacrifice.

My grandma’s testimony of their sacrifice touches me. I can see her love for them, and her love for me as she teaches me about their lives. I have been given special gift. Praise the Lord for my grandma, and for her understanding that she is giving to me.

Christ made the ultimate sacrifice on Calvary. He felt individual pain for his brother and sisters. He died, so that we might come to Him. Might. We might. He was not guaranteed our repentance in return, only a possibility. He had no thought of himself, just pure love for us. (Again, I am crying at the very vision of this love and sacrifice)

I testify that it is through love that we conquer this fallen state. Love isn’t about princes and damsels in distress. It is about sacrifice, giving, and gratitude. It is about seeing what the Lord has done for us, and in return, giving what we can to his Sheep. We do these things in accordance to the spirit, to keep ourselves also taken care of. But, we may feel burdened by what the Lord asks us to do. He blesses us in ways we cannot comprehend when we heed to His will. Literally all he wants to do is give. He gives to those who take what they have, and give it to those who need it more.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Consquencs I Have Chosen

We often comfort ourselves when we are going through a hard time with the thought that God gave us this trial for a reason, and that He will later reveal the specific reason. Many who don’t believe in God may argue, “If God really loves us, why would he make us so miserable?”

What I am about to write: These are not necessarily facts, but are personal beliefs that are a part of my testimony.

I have come to a different belief about my personal trials. I used to think that God just gave me to them, and watched to see if I would learn anything. I don’t believe that. I truly believed that I choose every single aspect of my life. I chose my weaknesses, and all the events in my life that I wanted to give me the opportunity to fall down on my knees, with nothing besides my Father in Heaven, in hopes that I could grow stronger. I used my agency to make those choices, and God make my life a reality.

I also believe my strengths and blessings came from God, and His perfect knowledge. I do not believe I chose the way he would compensate for my trials. I believe that I chose my trials, and He knew what strengths, experiences, and so on He would to give me in return for enduring.

I find it interesting, the Lord compensates for the consequences we have chosen. He gives us more than we can give him. In fact, every little things He asks of us only comes back to bless us. He doesn’t ask us to fast because He likes to watch us be hungry, or to boost His self-esteem because He sees that we are willing to go hungry to obey Him.

He asks us to fast to teach us of the Savior. The Savior offered the ultimate sacrifice, for us. When we sacrifice, we can have a small glimpse of what it means to be Christ-like. We also earn what we need, whether it is knowledge, comfort, and or growing closer to perfecting our obedience. If we were given whatever we wanted just because we asked, we didn’t have to work, our progression would be impossible.

I learned these things a few nights ago while I was praying. I was asking the Lord to take away a struggle of mine, and I started to blame Him for my failure. I then felt this calming realization that I single handedly chose what I am go through, and the Lord is allowing me to sin and fail, but then correct myself. He even compensates for my weakness by revealing to me my gifts and strengths.

Another reason this concept is important is so that we are not burdened by (what we perceive as)harsh lives of others. We should show empathy, and serve those who are prompted to serve. However, we must not let them take from us which we do not have to give. If we are not able to be the friend or “Savior” that one expects of us, we do not have to hold ourselves hostage. I do this often. I will hear the struggles of someone I love and it will break my heart, and I want to save them. I will wonder why God would do such a thing. I now am beginning to understand that their life story is what makes them who they are, and their hardship is the ultimate opportunity to be brought to their knees and find the Lord.

I wonder if life is hard than we expected in the pre-mortal life. I think it is. I was wondering if I knew how hard this was going to be, if I would have chosen it. The thought I had was that this little fraction my journey is meant to be harder than I thought, in order to humble myself.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

What Does it Really Take to be Exalted?

I am under the impression that it is a common belief among many members of the church that by making our covenants, taking the sacrament, accepting callings, and going to church every Sunday we will be exalted.

I believe these are important first steps to our progression in the gospel and can strengthen our testimony of the gospel, but I believe there is more we must do to become exalted. I think we underestimate how much work our journey will take, and that we settle down too quickly. When I was first converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ, I thought I only needed to do these things to be placed in the celestial kingdom. Specifically, I needed to be married in the temple. It is easy to believe that we live life on Earth with “enough” faith, are judged, and then placed in the degree of glory that we earned. I do not believe it is that simple.

I write these provoking thoughts because I want to progress, and I have learned that it is harder than I thought. It takes more work than I ever imagined. I want to share this, because one person’s testimony can really inspire something in others. I do not claim to know what we need to do to be exalted. I barely grasp that it is possible to be exalted. I do testify however that through perfect obedience to the Lord, we will become perfect through eternity.

Living all eternity can be a very frightening thought. We know very well the telestial world we occupy, and living in this state forever would become very miserable. An eternal perspective can truly influence the way we live and our relationship with God, but along with this perspective, we must take our progression day by day. For example, anyone who has chosen to give up worldly things they once loved knows how hard this is. It seems like too much to conquer at once. We realize that it is harder than we expected to give these things up, and that it will take trial and error before we succeed. That is progression. We experience failure. We also experience success. Our achievements come from obedience to the spirit, and perseverance.

My simple testimony comes down to:

I know I must pray and draw near to my Father in Heaven for light, and knowledge.

I know I must repent and progress through the atonement and my relationship with Jesus Christ.

I know I must I obey the spirit as perfectly as I can, and be grateful for everything revealed unto me.

Through these things I find my way. I am not yet perfect at any of those things, but am trying again and again. Through the straight and narrow path, I am experiencing eternal conversion.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Oil in My Lamp

(I am risking that this post might offend someone.)

It is important for us as followers of Christ to make sure that we are focusing on Jesus Christ, rather than his other followers. We must not make the actual church along with the First Presidency, and the apostles our idols. When we think of idols, we usually think of movies stars, or worldly things that distract us from Christ. An idol is anything or anyone that we have placed as being more important than the Father and Jesus Christ. When we treat the First Presidency the way the world treats movie stars, as if meeting them will make us better, we are being idol. It is the Lord we must be looking for, a path that has to be completed through one’s personal faith.

This is not to say that should not listen to their counsel, and praise God for their dedication. We should, they are to be loved, appreciated, and respected. However, we must recognize that their inspiration and teaching comes FROM GOD, and we must WORSHIP GOD, not his instruments. When we worship those who love Christ, rather than Christ himself, we are putting our testimonies at risk. Our testimonies cannot be borrowed from those who have developed a personal relationship with Christ.

The parable of the Ten Virgins teaches this concept perfectly. Five had enough oil in their lamps, while five did not. If they five gave their oil to those who had not prepared, they would not have enough oil for their own selves. The lamps can represent their testimonies. The oil represents what they did to prepare their testimonies to meet the bridegroom (Jesus Christ). Our testimonies are our responsibility and salvation.

I am guilty of worshipping followers of Christ, and trying to use their oil to fill my lamp.

You may have read about Sister Thompson in one of my earlier posts. I know at some point in my progression, I have worshipped her faith. She is one of my heroes. She is beautiful inside and out, has an adorable family, and loves the Lord with all her heart. However, I needed to be worshipping the Father for allowing our paths to cross, and for allowing her to be an instrument in the His hands to teach me. I have mentioned this before, but I went through a period of time where I was offended by the church, and her faith was not enough for me to keep my grip on the iron rod. I had to reevaluate my testimony.

I adore President Uchtdorf. I believe that the spirit speaks to me similar to the way it speaks to Him. He is a very special witness of the Savior. After General Conference, I am one to talk about how amazing he was in general conference. That is idol. What I need to be doing however, is being grateful for his dedication to the Lord, his example, and thanking God that I was able to hear Him and learn of Christ through the words that President Uchtdorf spoke.

Why can’t our testimonies be based on other followers of Christ?

I mean, they have faith. Why can't I have a testimony that President is a true prophet, and call it good?

I could say that the church and it members are WONDERFUL, but they are human. They are subject to temptation and will at one point fail you.

However, more important than the fact that we are imperfect is that Christ has asked us to come unto Him. Not to come unto those who have come unto Him. We are to come to Jesus Christ, so that we may get to the Father. Our salvation is our responsibility, and we must do this by becoming close to the Father through Jesus Christ. It truly is the way to perfection, and coming to know the Lord. Jesus Christ is who died for our sins. Our Father in Heaven is who loves infinitely, and allows for our progression when we choose to be obedient to him.

Being mindful of my human tendencies helps me to be constantly repenting. I believing that if our mindful of ourselves, consistently asking forgiveness, and drawing near the Father through prayer, we can better set a foundation for our testimonies. Strengthened testimonies lead to strengthened relationships with the Father and Son, which will lead us to progression.

If you have any questions about how I worded something or have a opinion (I will read it and respond only if I am written to respectfully) I would be happy to hear feedback.